We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Randomize
