Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
