sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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