I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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