Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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