alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
