You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
this beer tastes like vomit already
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize