I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
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My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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