Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
