next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
