3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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