he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
