Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
