I've blown a few things in my day
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
