Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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