My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
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