OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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