is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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