dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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