Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
