I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
