you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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