I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
