If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
