jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
