Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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