Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
