I puked a lego.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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