so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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