Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
