sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
