im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Banned from zoo.
Again?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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