highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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