i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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