For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
