I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
