kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
