We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize