did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize