I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
