1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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