3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I did not marry a roomba.
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