Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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