I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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