rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
