I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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