How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
