we have officially lost it.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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