my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
