Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
