I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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