I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
