so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
