sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I AM VODKA MAN
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
