Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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