under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
