I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
