she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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