u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize