So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
