I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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