my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
