Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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