I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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