I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize