All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
