I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
