singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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